What is your deepest-held reading habit? Mine is that I don’t force myself to power through any book that I am not enjoying. My to-be-read list is several hundred books deep, so why would I waste my leisure time struggling? Below, I listed several books that many, many, many other readers loved with their whole hearts, but I personally could not bear, and what I would read instead. Proceed with caution as I included some light spoilers. 

The Moonstone (1868) by Wilkie Collins
Why I thought I would enjoy this book:
This doorstop of a novel is often considered the first English-language detective story. I love mystery fiction above all genres and I like to spend time looking for and reading titles that are considered ground-breaking or otherwise important to the genre. 

What went wrong:
Books written over one hundred years ago often contain outdated and offensive language that would have been common at the time, or certainly not considered shocking. The titular Moonstone is an object of value taken by theft from a rich Indian household during the British Raj. People from India are depicted throughout the book in a racist light, which ruined any enjoyment of the actual plot and non-stereotyped characters. I wasn’t too hot with the depiction of women, either. Save yourself ten hours of reading and look up the Wikipedia plot summary. Please do not tell my library school professors that I told you to do this.

Classic detective fiction I would rather read:

• The Winteringham Murder (1927) by Anthony Berkeley
• The Thin Man (1933) by Dashiel Hammet
• A Rage in Harlem (1957) by Chester Himes
• The Honjin Murders (1946) by Seishi Yokomizo

NOS4A2 (2013) by Joe Hill
Why I thought I would enjoy this book:
Joe Hill has horror pedigree. He’s Stephen King’s son for one thing, and several of his books routinely appear on “best horror novel” lists. I like vampire stories, and Hill’s take on the genre was intriguing.

What went wrong:
Although I have read my fair share of skin-crawling horror novels, there was something about the tension running throughout this book that kept my ears up around my shoulders for DAYS after I put the book down for good. This happened at a point in the story in which the protagonist has a retrograde moment after years of progress from dealing with an unnamable supernatural evil, and my poor little heart could not take the suspense. This should be understood as a resounding endorsement of the book.

What I would rather read instead:

• The Southern Book Club’s Guide to Slaying Vampires (2020) by Grady Hendrix
• ‘Salem’s Lot (1975) by Stephen King
• What Moves the Dead (2022) by T. Kingfisher
• I am Legend (1954) by Richard Matheson

Bigfoot and the Librarian (2019) by Linda Winstead Jones
Why I thought I would enjoy this book:
A librarian moves to a rural area for work and begins to discover her service area is populated with actual bigfoots and other mythical creatures. Hilarity/inappropriate romance ensues. 

What went wrong:
Being a librarian my own self, it was obvious to me that the author was not of my cohort, and did not understand libraries or librarians. The protagonist was short, so she was fixated on wearing heels and at one time implied only unintelligent women eat carbs. Firstly, I’ve worked in libraries for a total of seven years, and I can assure you that our preferred footwear is geared toward comfort rather than style. Secondly, oh please piss off with your anti-carb food gatekeeping. Everyone knows carbs are the tastiest foods, don’t you dare tell me otherwise. 

Books featuring libraries and librarians I would rather read:

• The Secret, Book, & Scone Society (2017) by Ellery Adams
• The Librarian of Crooked Lane (2022) by C.J. Archer
• The Name of the Rose (1980) by Umberto Eco
• The Woman in the Library (2022) by Sulari Gentill

The Woods are Always Watching (2021) by Stephanie Perkins
Why I thought I would enjoy this book:
Stephanie Perkins’ 2017 title There’s Someone Inside Your House was a tight, creepy, effective teen slasher novel that I really enjoyed. It’s also a fun title to shriek at your friends. Try it, you’ll like it. This led me to believe the 2021 followup The Woods are Always Watching would be more of the same. Plus, I love books with spooky woods shit.

What went wrong:
Both teen girl protagonists were insufferable. So insufferable, in fact, that I decided to look up the plot summary on Wikipedia (as I do) to determine if the initial aggravation was worth it. It turned out that a major plot point involves one of the insufferable girls falling into a hole in the woods and breaking her leg. This mattered a lot to me, because I had suffered a pretty bad leg break days before I picked up this book. Reading about someone else’s pain and trauma did not sound like the light-hearted escapism I needed, so this book went straight into my DNF pile. 

What I would recommend instead for those who also enjoy stories with spooky woods shit:

• Small Spaces (2018) by Katherine Arden
• Near the Bone (2021) by Christina Henry (TW for domestic abuse and cryptids)
• The Box in the Woods (2021) by Maureen Johnson
• The Twisted Ones (2019) and The Hollow Places (2020) by T. Kingfisher (I REALLY like her)

Mistborn (2006) by Brandon Sanderson

Why I thought I would enjoy this book:
Sanderson is a big name in fantasy fiction, and several of my workmates adore his oeuvre. An informal survey pointed towards this series as a good entry point to Sanderson’s deep back catalog.

What went wrong:
Before the Sanderson stans come after me with their pitchforks and torches, please understand that I can DNF a book and still understand its cultural and historical import; see The Moonstone above. Perhaps Lord of the Rings ruined me for all other high fantasy, but I simply could not muster the enthusiasm needed to care about the rag-tag group of underdogs and the Very Special Boy at the center of the story.

Fantasy books I would rather read instead:

• Sorcerer to the Crown (2015) by Zen Cho
• Ring Shout (2020) by P. Djeli Clark
• Pet (2019) by Akwaeke Emezi
• Middlegame (2019) by Seanan McGuire

Dial A for Aunties (2021) by Jesse Q. Sutanto
Why I thought I would enjoy this book:
I was looking forward to this one. The premise reads like Weekend at Bernie’s meets Crazy Rich Asians; what could go wrong? 

What went wrong:
One major trope I despise in any of the media I consume are circumstances that would never happen if at least one person involved were an effective communicator. Incredibly unappealing trope. This book was full of these situations from top to bottom. Although the characters are admittedly charming, I could not cope with the screwball nature of it all. 

What I would prefer to read instead:

• The Stranger Diaries (2018) by Elly Griffiths
• Arsenic and Adobo (2021) by Mia P. Manansala
• The Very Secret Society of Irregular Witches (2022) by Sangu Mandanna
• The Guncle (2021) by Steven Rowley

Hey, maybe you are the kind of reader who enjoys difficulty or discomfort while you read. I know John Waters is this type of reader, and I really respect his approach (check out his fantastic collection of essays, Role Models, to learn what I mean. Audio copy available in Hoopla). And that’s cool, I do not judge the hows and the whys surrounding individual reading habits. It’s if you don’t read at all, that’s when I start to reassess one’s character.

If none of the above books come across as appealing, and you are still unsure what to read next, you’re in luck. Consider utilizing Mead’s book recommendation service Your Next Five Books and/or our brand new Your Next Five Movies tool. We usually respond within a few days with a list of books/movies you might love. Call us at 920-459-3400 option 4 for additional book pick help, or for help requesting materials.